Words

The phone call jarred me out of my peace.  As I answered the phone and listened to the voice on the other end, stone upon stone was hurled upon my heart.  "You are a failure!"  "You will never be good enough."  The taunts continued.  How I wanted to take the phone and in anger thrust it back upon the receiver.

Words.  Words flowing like a flood.  A torrent of emotion overflowing the banks.  Trying to grasp on to truth I am swept downstream in the murk, trying to keep my head above the water.  Struggling against the current I try to reach solid ground.  In desperation I reach out to a tree that has remained anchored on the bank.   Clinging to the branch I will myself to hold on, to survive. 

When the flood finally recedes, I am left to witness the damage.  Where beauty once resided, ugliness has taken its place.  Things uprooted and unearthed in the flood lay gnarled and withered in its wake.  Things have changed, never to return to their same beauty.  Trees downed in the flood will never be re-rooted.  New things will grow, but the landscape has changed. 

Tears flow freely now, it's natural with loss.  But the challenge before me is how to weather this storm?  Flinging stones and becoming my own flood will only cause more destruction and heartache.  Innocents would also be affected.  For a flood always does more damage than can be anticipated. 

The key isn't found in forging the river and forcing it to return to its normal banks.  It is found in forgiveness.  The one throwing the stones may never seek forgiveness.  But I know that in me deciding to forgive the offense will bring healing to my own heart and allow me to follow the steps of the Savior back to a place of peace and wholeness.

Mom, Shouldn't You Ask Me to Forgive You?

It had been a rough day. One of my kids had been disobedient and in trouble all day long. Another bad choice by this child caused me to unleash words that were supposed to be of correction, but they were spoken in anger. I was furious. Didn't he get it? In exasperation I walked out of the room. I don't know how he found the courage to do it...but he followed me into the next room.

His next words cut through the hardness of my heart, "Mom, shouldn't you ask me to forgive you?" Ouch. He was right. The words I had spoken were not out of love but out of frustration. They may have been justified but they were not righteous. I wanted to say, "You deserved it" but I couldn't. I had been wrong and I had been teaching my children that when they made a mistake and hurt someone else they needed to ask for forgiveness.

God brought me back to the cross at that very moment. As Jesus hung on the cross, dying for my sins and for yours, He said, "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34

I immediately got down on my knees and asked my son to forgive me. He quickly said yes and we hugged and then prayed together, with me asking God to forgive me for my harshness and asking him to help me be gentle and kind.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. But God is a loving parent who is gently teaching me, and so often it is through the eyes of my children.