On Our Way

Well, the countdown is on.  Just two more days and we are on our way to Guatemala.  After months of thinking about it the time is finally here!

Josiah and Courtney will be helping with the children while the adults are in the med clinic...and me, well, that is still a mystery.  Once we get there I'll find out where I am needed most, but it is possible I'll have the opportunity to work in the lab.  I told my parents about that possibility today and they laughed.  Well, you see there is a history with me and labs...

When I was a little girl I was anemic and had to get several iron shots that I didn't respond well to...and then there was the pre-kindergarten incident.  When it was time for shots before going to school I was very upset (maybe because of all my previous iron shots) and I threw a crying fit in the doctor's office.  After awhile the nurse said, "Fine, you don't have to get a shot" and she walked out of the room.  I was so relieved and I stopped crying.  However, the next thing that happened scarred me for life...one nurse grabbed me from behind and the other nurse came at me with that fearful needle and I responded by fainting.  After that whenever I even saw I needle I would faint.  I even fainted when my younger sister got her ears pierced because it looked like a needle too! 

Over the years God has worked on me and my fears.  I think of all the time I spent at Children's Hospital with Whitney and all the pokes and procedures done to her during her time there.  God gave me the strength to be there by her side, witnessing it all, and never faining.  He gave me the strength to stand beside her and trust Him even though I didn't understand everything that was going on inside her precious little body. 

I think of all the verses I've reciting over and over again in my head when I've had to have procedures done on me..."For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100:5  Over time I discovered that if I kept talking it was virtually impossible to faint as well...you see, you can't hold your breath when you keep talking! 

This will be an adventure and I can't wait to see how God uses the next 10 days to draw my children closer to Him as they are able to share His love with children in Guatemala.  I am also excited to know that God may choose to use me during this time to sit in a lab, a place I would never have anticipated many years ago,  and work for His glory!   

Parenting in Pain

Sitting on the edge of the bed I reach for the Kleenex box.  Once again I am in tears.  Tears from pain and the inability to handle it on my own.  Parenting isn't for the weak at heart, and parenting with an incurable illness takes the hand of God.

For years I have struggled with a disease that no one can see.  "No cause, no cure" is what the doctors say.  Prescriptions have been tried with horrible consequences...crushing chest pain, the inability to break down the medication so it becomes toxic in my system and many others. 

When a body, designed by God, turns against itself, life gets complicated.  And parenting in the midst of it all takes on challenges of its own.  Some days are spent with me cocooned on the couch, trying my best to still be mom and invest in the lives of my children.  Some days things appear fine and we go about as usual.  However, the fear is always there, "When will it strike again?" 

Questions of, "How are you today?" are often met with half-truths.  On the outside I appear fine but inside my body can be wracked with pain.  There are a few who have learned to read the cues and can tell when all is not right, but I don't want to be someone constantly complaining about hurting. 

If you have ever experienced the contractions that go along with labor, you can begin to identify with my almost daily struggle.  The pain comes in waves of intensity, sometimes easily overlooked, other times causing me to double over in trying to deal with it. 

Stress can cause this disease to flare up, so one challenge in parenting with this illness is to parent in a healthy way, avoiding added stress.  (Hmmm, with teenagers?)

I confess I have questioned God many times, "I know you can heal, why haven't you healed me?"  It plagued me for years and infected my relationship with Him.  Knowing that He can heal, but hasn't kept me at a distance.  Thankfully, God hasn't given up and me and He has taught me His faithfulness in the midst of my pain. 

One passage of Scripture that ministered to my heart this year was from 2 Corinthians chapter 12.  In this passage Paul spoke of getting a "thorn in his flesh" and "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"  The thing that hit me was that Paul was such a powerful servant of God and had an incredible ministry.  He was close to God and yet, God in His goodness allowed the thorn to remain.  That encouraged my heart.  You see for years I have wondered, "What am I doing wrong?"  and "Maybe there is something still in my life that God wants to prune first."  I kept thinking that if only I could do something better, then maybe I could be healed.  This verse changed my perspective completely.  Paul was not perfect, none of us are, but I believe He had such an intimate relationship with God and yet God allowed his thorn to remain.  So it's not just that I need to "get it right" but that I need to trust Him through it.

Today I believe was a break through.  As I was sitting on the edge of the bed crying, I was also praying and surrendering...with all my will to choose His joy in the midst, knowing that He suffered and died to give me life.  Yes, the trial remains, but I do have His grace and mercy to see me through. 

A Confession

Okay, I'll admit it.  One area I am weak in is prayer.  I love to spend time reading and studying the Bible.  I love to write and contemplate, but when it comes to prayer I get so easily distracted. 

Perhaps it is the little ones that seem to get up just when I should be praying.  Maybe it is the older ones that are preparing for school. Or maybe it is because prayer is a battle.  It isn't just a battle to pray, but when we pray when enter the battle for the hearts and minds of our children. 

When our oldest ones were little and went to bed early, Tom and I would go into their rooms after they were asleep and pray over them.  We were united and our children were covered in prayer.  As life got busy, somehow this important event got put on the back burner.  It wasn't that we weren't praying, but it was no longer consistent and intentional.  Prayer became more of a 911 emergency call, rather than consistently planting and weeding a garden. 

One book that I have decided to use this year to help in my prayers for my children is While They are Sleeping: 12 Character Traits to Pray for Your Child.  It is a beautiful book focused on consistent prayer and application.  There are 12 chapters, each focused on one character trait with five days of prayer per trait.  There is also you and me time, live it out, and a journal area to record answers that you see to your prayers. 

I like the idea of focusing on kindness, humility, teachability, forgiveness, obedience, discernment, purity, responsibility, courage, servanthood, contentment, and endurance.  I know that at the end of this year I will see a difference in my children, but I will be different as well.  Prayer does that.  It changes the situation, but more importantly it changes the one praying.  Spending time at the feet of Jesus does that. 

I am excited for this adventure.  Anyone else want to join me this year as we consistently lift our children before the Lord?

A New Year, A New Perspective

As a former public school educator education has always been important to me.  I was the first in my immediate family to go to college, earn a degree and go on to get a master's degree.  I love learning and I think passing on that love for learning is important in teaching and parenting too. 

 

But how much of my focus has been on turning out children to succeed in the educational arena?  Our oldest was taught at home until 9th grade, went to a private school for two years, and then the public school for two years.  She exceeded in her studies.  So much like her mother, she loves to study and to learn.  Thankfully, she also has a heart to love and serve the Lord.

 

The questioning of myself has been on just "getting the job done".  With seven children, four of which are still learning at home (and a preschooler too) much of my day is focused on just getting done the bare necessities. 

 

God has used the last few months to convict my heart.  Perhaps some of it is due to a child who is very smart, but doesn't like to complete his assignments.  I know he can get straight A's but that is not his priority.  His priority is friends. 

 

In my attempts to get him to  "do what needs to be done" I am pushing him away and it is creating tension in our home. Yes, he does need to be held accountable and do the best he can do, but, in my focus on his scores alone I have left out something more important...his character and True Greatness.  In Tim Kimmel's book, Raising Kids for True Greatness he challenges parents to strive not only for their kids to succeed but to reach greatness.  Here is an excerpt from his book:

One date in recent history permanently seared its mark onto America’s conscience: September 11, 2001. This defining moment exposed the best and the worst things about us. It forced us to look in the mirror as a nation and ask ourselves what really matters.

The terrorists who slammed airplanes into the World Trade Center caught us completely off guard. In the middle of a business-as-usual morning, they showed us how naive we were about the magnitude of their hate and the extent to which we could be humbled by their violence.

Many successful people found themselves trapped in the clutches of this ghastly event. At 9:03 that Tuesday morning, their SAT scores and the cars they drove to work meant nothing. There was very little that their pedigrees and résumés could do for them. The famous as well as the obscure became equals in the statistics. In the Twin Towers, “Who’s Who” died side by side with “Who’s he?”

But in the midst of this crisis, there were magnificent people who responded to the urgency of the moment and gave everything they had for the sake of others. As the successful rushed down the stairs of the World Trade Center, the truly great ran up. As the well-heeled and comfortable ran for their lives, the truly great slipped inside the nightmare to see what they could do to help those who were left behind.

And after the smoke cleared, thousands of truly great people stepped out from their quiet positions within the ranks of successful Americans and opened their hearts and their wallets to those whose lives had been shattered by this cataclysmic event.

Isn’t it ironic that as a nation we worship those who are successful, but when tragedy strikes, our survival depends upon those who are great? A cry for help is always answered first by people who live for something more valuable than their own fame or fortune. They respond even though there isn’t a thing in it for them.

That’s why, when it’s time to bury our dead, we mourn the loss of those
who were successful, but we celebrate the memory of those who were truly great—the firefighters, the EMTs, the rescue workers, and the countless civilians who sacrificed everything they had for people they’d never met.

Truly great people seldom simply happen; they are carefully groomed for the moment long before they are forced to face it. Long before they get to these challenges, so many of them have lived within the proving grounds of a family that inspired them to true greatness.

An excerpt taken from Raising Kids For True Greatness, pp 11-12, Tim Kimmel, Thomas Nelson Publishing.

Isn't that inspirational?  I want my children to be truly great in the eyes of the Lord.  I want them to seek to serve, rather than to be served.  I want them to follow the example of Jesus, who lived to give his life for others. 

That kind of life will not be learned in the pressures of daily life, with a focus on schooling alone.  It is an intentional life, one that is not only taught but caught.  As a mom, my life needs to first reflect love for my Savior and to set an example of living for others and not for my schedule alone. 

For this new year my focus will be differnt and my teaching of my children will be different.  Yes, they will still need to accomplish their daily assignments and tasks, but in the midst of life, I want to help them to get a glimpse of greatness beyond themselves. 

I hope to achieve this by a few intentional things:

• Pray diligently for my children
• Help them establish good, healthy routinues in their daily lives.  One thing I am going to try is a daily planner by Ann Voskamp from A Holy Experience
• Read great books.  Since most of my children are taught at home I can have an impact on what they read.  This year I am committed for them to read great literature and heroes of the faith.  I want them to get a glimpse of others who had a bigger picture than themselves.

If you have any other ideas I'd love for you to share them below so together we can help our children reach for true greatness

A Challenge

Last fall a good friend of mine was interviewed for MomLife Today. She was asked, "What is one thing you have done well in parenting?" Marilyn told the story of how she and her husband Don issued a challenge to each of their children when they reached the age of 13.

The challenge placed before each of their children was to read the Bible through in one year and write a commentary. For each and every chapter of the Bible they had to write a 2-3 sentence summary on the chapter. Each day they would read a chapter in the Old Testament, a chapter in the New Testament, a Psalm and a Proverb. If they completed the challenge within the year (with some grace allowed) they would receive a big prize of their choosing. (Marilyn mentioned each one chose something of their liking...a computer, clothes shopping, a sewing machine, etc).

My oldest two are well past the age of thirteen but I thought it would be a wonderful challenge, so we sat them down and gave them the opportunity to write a commentary as well. What an incredible gift...to have the knowledge of what is in the Word from beginning to end.

I am excited to see how spending the time in the Word and summarizing what each chapter is about will impact my children!

My next child is twelve and his birthday is in October. I had really thought about waiting awhile to issue this challenge to him. However, he WANTS to do this! He is so excited about the opportunity and it has blessed my heart tremendously! Thanks Marilyn, for sharing your words of wisdom!

Graduation

~Graduation...a time to celebrate~

On June 3rd we had the privilege of watching our oldest graduate from high school. We also had the chance to cheer her on as she gave the Salutatorian speech for her graduating class. We were so proud, not just of her achievement, but of who she is becoming to be. It is an honor to see her choose to walk in faith and to follow the giftings that God has placed on her life. Way to go Courtney! We are so proud of you!

The Ugliest Cake and a Lesson on Forgiveness

The day before MaryElise turned three I wasn't feeling good. I knew I needed a cake and I was debating whether to make one or pick on up at the grocery store. Tom and Josiah were headed to the store so I enlisted them to find a cute pink cake for MaryElise's birthday.

Sometime later Tom called from the store describing some of the cakes. He told me about a "Diner Cake". I had no idea what he was talking about. I heard the lady in the bakery talking about a "big cupcake cake" or a Cinderella cake and then Tom said, "Okay, I think we got it covered" and then he hung up. I felt secure knowing he would come home with something cute with the help from the bakery lady.

He entered the house carrying a cake box and I took a peek inside to see what kind of a cute cake he chose. The cake he came home with looked more like a jelly doughnut explosion than a birthday cake. The sides were smeared with strawberry jelly and the top had mounds of icing and globs of jelly. It was the ugliest cake I had ever seen. I responded by going into my room and crying. (Really mature I know) Much to Josiah's credit, he came in and apologized and said it was his idea. He thought the cake looked great.

Throughout the day I couldn't get over my disappointment. I rehearsed the situation over again in my mind and the frustration began to grow. "How could he be so clueless? This cake is ugly. It isn't even pink. Maybe I'll get lucky and the cake will accidentally fall on the floor and I'll have to get a new one. There is no way I want to take pictures of my cute little girl with such an ugly cake!"

I didn't realize how far I had let the situation go until dinner. I can't remember exactly what it was that I said, but Tom's reply was, "Oh, that really sounds like forgiveness". I realized from his tone that I had not forgiven him. I was choosing to wallow in the disappointment rather than forgiving and letting go. God convicted my heart. How many times have we as parents spoken to our children about the importance of forgiveness and here I was holding on to something silly!
In Colossians 3:13 it says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." I had a choice to make and I chose to forgive. (Needless to say, I did take pictures of MaryElise with the cake that we still fondly refer to as the Jelly Doughnut Explosion!)

An Incredible Tool to Help You Understand The Heart of Your Child

Discover Your Child's Heart with the
Kids Flag Page

This is a resource created by Tim Kimmel and Mark Gungor. "Consider this the operating manual that SHOULD have come with each of your kids...BUT DIDN'T."

Having seven children you think I would have figured out this parenting thing by now...but having seven children has shown me just how much I still need to learn! What works for one of my children does absolutely no good with another. What motivates one, frustrates another!

I found this resource and thought I would give it a try. It is a "game" for a parent and child to do together. At the end, you will have a great handle of who your child is and what is needed to motivate them. The guide says it works best with children from 6-11, but I used it on my 14 year old as well.

This is the best parenting tool I have ever used! What I learned from doing this one on one with each of my children has opened my eyes up in a way to understand them and their unique personalities and how to parent them individually.

To begin you find a quiet place to play the game one on one with your child. They look at each of the cards and decide if it is Always Me, Sometimes Me, or Never Me. The cards say things like, "I think it's possible" or "I like things to stay calm" etc. All the cards reflect one of the four "Home Countries" (The Perfect Country, The Peace Country, The Control Country, and The Fun Country) The child puts the cards in one of the three piles according to how they see themselves (not how mom or dad sees them). Then they choose their top 6 from the Always Me pile and then out of the 6 they choose their favorite.

From the way they place their cards the parent tallies them up and finds out the "Home Country" and the "Adopted Country". There is a book that goes along with the game that helps to explain what each country means and things you see from children that belong to the four different countries. The thing that was extremely insightful was understanding how the Home Country and the Adopted Country play out together in how children act and respond to situations. This was the so eye opening to me to help me see into the heart of my children. It was an incredible blessing and has helped me in parenting them according to what motivates and encourages them, rather than what could hurt my relationship with them.

You can find this resource at Family Matters. There are four flag pages in each game, enough to do with four children. If you need more flag pages you can order additional pages separate from the game itself. If you use this resource post a comment and let me know what you think about it!

Christmas Stockings

Growing up we always opened Christmas stockings and gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. It was always something I looked forward in and as a child I believed in Santa.

When I got married and started having children I began to wonder how the whole "Santa" thing would be handled. I wanted Christmas to celebrate the birth of Christ and I wanted everything we did to point our children to the true meaning of Christmas. I loved the idea of hanging stockings by the fireplace and the fun of opening them on Christmas morning so we decided to do "Santa" a little differently.

I made stockings for each of the children reflecting some aspect of the birth of Christ, or his ministry here on earth. The stockings all held practical gifts (a new toothbrush, toothpaste, chap stick, a small toy, or a small Bible, or a Christmas book). The first stocking I made had a nativity scene with an angel and the word "noel". I stitched the patches on and then went around the fabric pieces with paint to keep them securely in place.
For the next stocking, I made it in blue (since it was for a boy) and put a star on it for the star the wise men followed and put a lion and a lamb on it. The lion and the lamb both point to Christ as Jesus is the "Lion of the Tribe of Judah" and the "Lamb of God".
For the third stocking I put on a cross to represent the reason for Christ coming to earth...to die on the cross for our sins. I also added a shepherd because Jesus is our "Good Shepherd".
For the fourth stocking I put a crown on it because Jesus is the "Prince of Peace". The patch on the bottom of the stocking has Jesus as a babe in the manger.
For the fifth stocking I put the three wise men at the top of the stocking and pictures to represent the gifts they brought to Jesus.
For the sixth stocking I put a cross with the lamb on the top patch, to once again represent Jesus as our sacrifice. At the bottom I put a picture of the cup and the bread to represent the Last Supper and Communion.
Now, the question is what will I put on the last stocking? Yes, my youngest has celebrated two Christmases without a stocking (well, at least one that is homemade). I'm not sure what to put on the stocking to continue to tell the story of Christ. Any ideas?

CollegeReady

Since Courtney is a junior in high school we have begun to look seriously at colleges and financial aid. But as a mom, one of my major concerns is for her heart to be ready to withstand the pressures of college. After investing 17 years of love, teaching, and prayer in her life I want to see her succeed...not just academically but to see her stand firm in her faith and make decisions that will help her to be all that God has intended for her to be.

I am so excited by CollegeReady. College Ready is a new resource by FamilyLife. It is a six
part video series that covers the following:

• Vision
• Empowering Friendships
• Excelling Academically
• Dating Right
• Having Fun
• Growing Spiritually

Check out the CollegeReady site and you can see a sample video from each of the six areas listed above. If you use this tool let me know the impact it has on your college-bound student! CollegeReady-Home